I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
