Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
