i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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