He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes