All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
