I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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