Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
