Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
