Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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