I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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