My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
