Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
