i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
