Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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