If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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