guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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