It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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