You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
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I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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