"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
