sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
