i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You ruined the universe
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
