i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
wow bdsm is so cute
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