nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
