hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.