once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times