Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it glows. i had to have it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..