The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.