you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow