if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
