we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
