somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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