Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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