There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
