You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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