my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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