i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
