I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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