When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
