i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
