R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
