I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
