She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
