she was so not down for the gang bang
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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