Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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