your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
