ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
