I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
