happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
