last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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