I feel like I'm in dance class right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He shit in the fireplace
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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