It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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