Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
