My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
