just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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