Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
