i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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