dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
