If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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