seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
