I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
