I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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