So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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