big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
