Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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