We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
