I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
