If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize