There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
