I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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