guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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