Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
