can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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