so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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