just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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