Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
