My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
