I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
