Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
